Returning to Gray

I began my last individual paper referring to a pendulum in which I am attempting to find the center.  Interestingly this analogy seems more relevant today than it did then.  While I have come a long way since my drastic lifestyle choices, after my second round of the Micro/Marco chart and my observations, I see that I am still struggling to see the Both/And of the enterprise.  My instinct and inclination continue to be one of the enterprise as a destructive and dominating force both on people and the environment.

I do recognize the ever-growing practice and potential that fair-trade business is having on local communities, but the scale is still such that its impacts are minimal and therefore not yet balanced in a way that I believe to be necessary for a proper both/and perspective.  This being said I do believe in being hopeful for as Barbra Hubbard states, in her book Conscious Evolution, “[o]n the one hand, there is an acceleration of breakdowns.  On the other hand, breakthroughs are arising everywhere (149).  Like Barbara, I aim to focus on the positive, I do believe, however, that it is important to stay aware and feel the impacts that our simple purchases have in order to fully commit to investing in value-driven companies.

Most of the observations that I wrote about were that of physical purchases rather then experiences.  What I have concluded from this is my relationship to enterprise is that of direct goods and industry.  This can explain why I struggle to see the positive.  I have the unfortunate/fortunate sight that when I see a pair of shoes, I see the plantation that the rubber trees are growing in, the forest that once was and the callused hands that are tapping the rubber, I see the factory conditions in which the shoe was made and I see ocean life suffocating under the fuel that spews from the propeller on a massive cargo ship.  This is one side of the pendulum, nonetheless, what I have observed recently in myself is quite shameful.  Almost as if I have thrown my hands in the air in surrender, I am making purchases much easier than I had in the past (hence my recent tennis shoe purchase-the another side of the pendulum).  It has become almost as if I have had to shut down the part of myself that sees and feels these things in order to live in urban America.  But a question I must ask myself, ‘is this what I want?”

What is the cost of Happiness?

One of my biggest awareness’s living abroad is that it is often the people with less material wealth that live more connected and fulfilling lives.  It is almost as if the more stuff we have the less we are.  “Scientists and United Nations sociologists alike have concluded affluence produces rapidly diminishing return on happiness (Rushkoff pg159).”   Through this process, I was reminded of this often.  Our life’s in what is considered a “developed” Nation offers less meaning and purpose, while much of the world live a life of simple, yet meaningful existence.  I feel I have begun to forget this simple truth that was so prominent in my life a few short years ago.

What I now see that I have done in the past and through the observations I find that I still do, is justify actions that are contrary to my believes by having over compensated in other aspects or phases of my life.  My extreme nature on one hand gives me permission to act mindlessly.  A perfect example of this was my first observation in which I purchased white (non-organic) sugar for my waxing needs.  This was one of the most interesting ones for me to observe for I considered myself to be thoughtful in the methods of my consumption.  I have even developed a strategy, which has become my method of consumption.  80% of my purchases are from thrift stores and 15% is from stores like Ross that are either factory defects or last season’s clothes, similarly, I began shopping at a grocery outlet near my house, to my surprise they have quite a bit of organic and even fair-trade products.  These are choices that I intentionally make to use the bottom of the barrel American waste for my needs.  It was this same reasoning that allowed me to flourish off of dumpster food in my early 20’s.  This practice I have developed in regard to shopping I believe to be a strength of mine.  I prefer old to new and slightly flawed to perfect.  This being said I believe there is ample areas of my life that I don’t adhere to this shopping practice, for example shopping through Amazon, that I have been so thoughtless on that I did not even pay enough notice to have written about it in an observation.

What I observed in my relationship to money is that I have distanced myself from it by depending exclusively on my plastic card rather than cash and secondly because I am now with a steady job and bringing in more money than I have in the recent past.  The understanding that cash is coming in, and the detachment from cash has allowed me to develop a complete disconnect from spending.  Fortunately, I am a frugal Virgo, so my spending is not extreme, nonetheless, it is less thoughtful than I think beneficiary.

In my observation, I used the word numb to describe my relationship with money.  To me this numbness is near to apathy and one of the silent dangers of our time.   This is a red flag and an area, which requires some development.  I understand that it has become a method for me to cope, however, it is not a characteristic I wish to embody or become comfortable with.  I have criticized the zombie effect of shopping in others “[t]his phenomenon, named the Gruen Transfer, was defined as the moment when a person changes from a consumer with a particular product in mind to an undirected impulse buyer  (Rushkoff pg79)” and it is unsettling to witness it within myself.

Waking-up to choice

Contrary to this numbness is the conscious, fully awake, choices that I have had the opportunity to make in the recent months.  Two of my observations spoke to online purchases that were made through two different Fair-Trade websites: Global Girlfriend and World of Good.  I received cash through pay-pal for my birthday and was able to intentionally indulge.  I entered both those sites with the aim to purchase, and this strong intention was fueled by the knowledge that I was contributing to an effort/project that I believed in.  One purchase was a need, a laptop sleeve, and the other a treat, a pretty skirt.  Both sites shared a bit about the women and project that my purchase supported.   It is through initiatives such as these that I see contributing to real wealth and gives the opportunity toward “…a  meaningful and dignified vocation that contributes and fulfills […] basic needs for healthful food, clean water, clothing, shelter, transport, education, entertainment, and health care (Korten pg 153).”  While it did feel like a passive, self-serving action, knowing that I was supporting something that I believe in did offer a feeling of connection, commitment, and empowerment.  

The root of this is choice and from this choice action.   However, I recognize that I have the luxury of choice, as a result of the knowledge and awareness that has been given to me addressing the true cost of the goods we often purchase.  And while I am grateful for the experiences and people that have facilitated this awareness  I am looking to support a larger shift than simply that of myself.  From my pessimistic views illustrated in my micro/macro chart, this shift toward mass awareness seems at times to be both difficult to obtain and distant in reach.   As Korten states in Agenda for a New Economy,  “[w]e have a morally bankrupt money system accountable only to itself, detached from reality, and driven by unadulterated individualistic greed and a misconception of wealth and money that favors those who create phantom wealth for those who need and deserve it least at the expense of those with real needs doing beneficial work (pg 137).”  Our economic system is based on this phantom wealth and the marketing industry coheres in turning our conceptions of wants into needs, thinking only of the immediate gratification and not the impact that our desires might have locally and globally.  

Facing Reality

While not a new understanding, two things became quite apparent while sitting to fill out the Micro/Macro chart.  First I am dependent on the enterprise.  Secondly, I have a lot of anger and cynicism around industry and enterprise.  Nonetheless what my observations showed me, was a belief that things can be different.  As the semester is coming to a closing and as I write this paper, I am even more committed to using enterprise as a vehicle for change and for economic equity.  Even though the skepticism I hold on to the belief that things can and are changing.  It is now up to me as to where I put my thoughts and energy.  “For us we see reality, so we act, and as we act, so we shape reality”(Hubbard pg84).”  

“People generally have the urge to spend more time on what they value most and on what they are most valued for”  ( Hochschild pg 198)

Re-commitment to my Commitment

This process has given me a stronger motivation in the work that I have the fortune to be involved in.  I have the privilege to be a part of Ashoka’s Youth Venture an organization that encourages youth to believe that they can, through ventures/enterprise, contribute to their communities in a meaningful way while filling a financial need.  One of my biggest insights this semester was a clear and simple articulation of what has been my invisible guiding star for the past three years. 

 I aspire to give my life to supporting initiatives that offer work that addresses long term issues, such as deforestation, crime, climate change while meeting short term needs.   I believe that the environmental and social problems that we face steam from the same designed imbalance and therefore they need to be addressed simultaneously.   Trade and commerce are as old as the wheel, it is part of human nature and how cultures where exchanged, while I see enterprise as a culprit to much of our current and past problems, I hold on to the belief that through the revisualization of values and wealth, the enterprise has the potential to contribute to drastic and lasting, positive change.

MBA 5302 SIE

Dec 3rd, 2011