Death, Rebirth, and Initiation

Opening myself to transitions while connecting to Self, my purpose and my place have been both the challenges and blessings that have been offered in respect to this semester and the current phase in my life.  In this 24^th year, I look at the adolescents that I am emerging from and clear a way for the women who await my calling.  In the months that soon come various initiations will occur and I lay active witness to the shifts that will take place in order to step in and own who I have chosen to be.   

I am witnessing my tendencies and choosing to look at what no longer serves to recreate/edit my story.  So much I see holding me back from what I know is my true purpose and goal.  I currently live in trying to understand this great mystery while finding a balance between the devastating destructions and the abundant beauty that is woven into my every exhale.  This period for me has been of an emerging chrysalis.  I see the importance of allowing myself time to fully develop in order to be able to fully emerge, however, I often get frustrated in the seeming selfishness that requires.  I have been challenged with honoring my process while still feeling active and productive in the face of huge destruction and need.  I remind myself, as I have in the past, that in order to be the most effective I must first take time to set and strengthen my foundation.  This is the time for foundation work.  

               What is coming up the most present for me right now is initiation. Malidoma Somé writes in “Healing wisdom of Africa,” Initiation is simply a set of challenges presented to an individual so that he or she may grow.”  As I recently set the intention of initiation for myself a few other occasions have presented themselves to serve the same purpose.   I was recently asked by an old friend of my mothers to be involved with an interactive multimedia performance that is going to be presented at the “Sustainable World Symposium Festival” next month.  

She is going to be presenting Joanna Macy’s work from, “Coming Back to Life” going through the cycles of Gratitude, Honoring our Pain, The Shift: Seeing with New Eyes and Moving Forth into the Great Turning.  She asked if I would hold the fourth part to be the voice of my generation offering solutions in these times of drastic change.  Being that at the moment I am reading Joanna’s book in preparation for having her as a guest teacher for our Deep Ecology weekend, I saw no way of turning this down.  This for me, however, is very challenging.  I can dance, I can draw, I can play drums, but my voice…to be heard is something I am cultivating.  It is something that I have not been able to fully step into yet.  Here is my chance and my challenge to do so.    

Last month I went to Soulutionries, a series of talks sponsored by the Urban Permaculture Guild.  I heard Michael Meade from “Mosaic Voices of the Youth” speak of “The Genius of Youth, the Wisdom of Elders.”  Among other things, he spoke of the need for adolescent initiation and the consequences of not having them.  Listening to him speak I saw a district relationship between our lack of intentional passage for our youth and the destructions and misguiding of self and society.  My work has taken me, and I feel will continue to take me to work with youth.  And at the same time I feel myself still a youth, I know I have not fully stepped into my roll and power and woman.  

          In reading through “Women’s initiation rites in Africa,” commissioned by the Swaziland National Trust, the author explains the roll initiations had in the life and culture of indigenous peoples.  “In most cultures, the initiation ceremony is something a young girl eagerly looks forward to, prepares for, and honorably takes part in. In essence, the ceremony is the ultimate expression of her flowering womanhood.”

           I am taking this time as an intentional right of passage for myself.   I enter this phase as a shedding of the old, removal of the blocks, and opening to the great mystery of what is, and the great mystery of who I am/will be.   I witness so much of what no longer serves me as what holds me back from fully living and doing the work I am here to do.  This comes in forms of insecurities, I oftentimes step back away from people and opportunity in fear, I have not been too bold.  My tasks and choices are beyond me and the limitation of myself, yet I get lost in the little details rather than opening up to the greater.  This I acknowledge, give gratitude for, and wish to move away from. 

On Saturday evening of our CHE weekend of Indigenous Wisdom Aviva, Maya S. and myself shared our emotions around the approaching “Vision Quest.”  We all agreed that we weren’t being properly guided for the journey we were embarking on.  As we had recently read, these events in all cultures were of deep importance for the individual and for the community involved.  The participant took weeks some times months in preparation getting mentally, physically, and spiritually ready for the life-shifting experience.  We realized that it was not coming from our instructors, so we must create the intention, space, and preparation for ourselves.

On that Sunday we awoke at Ocean Song on the eve of the spring equinox and gathered on Solstice hill.  A circle was already in place as we stood between the grounding mountains and the mystery of the ocean.  We each took turns calling in the seven directions, our Ancestors, Great Spirit, and our guides.  Then one by one we stepped into the circle to speak our intentions, our fears, and our dreams.  We individually and uniquely asked for guidance and protection as we entered this new stage.  We called forth what we wished to bring and we cast away that which no longer served.   Knowing we had to gather for the day and still pack up, we thanked all who had come to hold space and witness, allowing them to leave inviting them to stay.

              A visiting student, Lydia had also slept at Ocean Song with us and shared in the discussion of initiation and fasting.  She was a nutritionist and said that water fast is the most intense fast do.  Your body believes it to be starving and calls on the body’s reserve, which tends to be mostly toxins and wastes.   We shared the need for a change in our diet so this is where we began.  We had agreed to go on an extended cleanse, eliminating sugar, wheat, and dairy from our diet now and then as the time became closer we would get more drastic eliminating nuts, beans, grains ext. to prepare our bodies for a strictly water fast. The three of us had created a pact. We created a trinity of support for each other.  We were stepping in with deep intention in preparation for our coming initiation.  

            This has become my end of the semester project for CHE.  We have and are meeting as often as our schedules will allow and checking in with each other by phone. We have individually begun a journal for this journey, bringing intentions daily as we identify and face that which we consciously leave behind in order to find that which is ours. 

            I am very grateful for how naturally and effortlessly our trilogy formed and for the support and wisdom that is manifested as a result.  I allow myself to be open to what Spirit guides so I keep my intentions open and as clear as possible.  I recently saw an energy worker; Juliana that came highly recommended by a friend.  She began by reading my Astrology chart and looking at my story.  It is always great reassurance when the things about myself that I see as not serving are shown as an intricate part of me derived from the start.  So I understand them to be a necessary part of myself and the roles I have chosen to play.  

With my Moon in Leo, among other things, this shows me as a leader, which is a gift and also my greatest challenge.  My Sun and rising in Virgo tends to be very contradictory to this Leo Moon.  As of yet, I have found the greatest challenge in being heard.  Not able to properly stand with what I believe I tend to step back and allow things, people, and situations to pass me by.  My critical nature has damaged my esteem and I oftentimes rather not be seen.  And with that I know I have things to share and a responsibility to do so.  This is the time that I need to step up and into who I am.  With this new birth that I am calling in there is a death that must come first.  I release the timid insecure to trust in myself and in the mystic unseen that is always present.  This is my rooted intention for the ceremonies and initiations that are soon approaching.

In his inspiring talk, Michael Mead said, “You can’t lead someone somewhere you haven’t gone,” this I feel is my block in the work that I have been involved in.  I still hold so much of my adolescence in me that I can’t be a proper mentor for those I wish to work with.  In the months that come I step in, I ask for guidance as I search for signs and listen to the messages.  I have gratitude for that which has protected me this far and with the same breath release it into the earth that she may compost it into fertile soil so that new life can grow.  Most importantly I trust and sit with what is present and not spend time dreaming of what may come.  

WORKS CITED

Some, Malidoma Patrice; Healing Wisdom of Africa; New York, NY 10014, Putnam Publishers, 1998. 

Meade, Michael; Genuis of Youth, Wisdom of Elders; Alameda Point Collaborative, Ca. Lecture: Soulusionaries Social Series, 2006

Kahler, Wendy; Women’s Initiation Rites in Africa; Pagewise – Swaziland National Trust Commission, 2002 

Amanda Greene April 9, 2006

Julianne Skai Arbor CHE Cohort 16